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Have you seen the video of Mariah Carey being sloshed at a recent awards show? That chick was hammered!

Oh, that’s painful to watch.  It’s just so selfish to waste everyone’s time in the audience saying NOTHING and thinking that everyone is just hanging on your every word.  Mariah, I roll my eyes at you.  Advice: DON’T DRINK AT PUBLIC SPEAKING EVENTS.

Well, now the ENQUIRER is reporting that she wants to have a baby.

“Mariah and Nick are thrilled at the prospect of finally starting a family together,” an insider told The ENQUIRER.

“Mariah feels incredibly blessed to have a solid marriage and a soaring career – but now her primary goal is motherhood.”

Mariah, 40, and 29-year-old Nick have made it their joint New Year’s resolution to have a baby in 2010.

“If they don’t conceive naturally, then Mariah and Nick are ready to adopt,” disclosed the insider. “They have lined up several potential adoption agencies.

“They’ve also looked at baby profiles online, and Mariah is completely enamored of two mixed-raced baby girls and one cute-as-a-button boy as adoption possibilities.”

I’m sure they would make great parents. [uncomfortable pause] So, please adopt you two, eh? Adoption is probably the best option.

At Sunday night’s Golden Globes, er, I mean Golden Globe Awards, Mariah Carey was her normal demure self.  Mariah definitely doesn’t have the body issues that many women face, because… well, I mean look at the photo.  Those babies are OUT THERE. Mariah had this to say about her outfit: “I dressed very conservatively.  My dress was long and my shoulders were covered.  I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”  The best part was, she said it with a straight face!  I’m not sure if she’s fooling herself, but she certainly isn’t fooling the rest of us.

Her date to the ceremony was her new husband Nick Cannon.  Today was his first day as the new morning show host in New York City during the same time and on the same station that was dominated by the highly-rated Howard Stern for many years.  Uh, good luck Nick!

In the past, Mariah Carey has dated the following celebrities: musician Trey Songz, baseball star Derek Jeter, rapper Eminem and actor Eddie Murphy.  She was also previously married to record executive Tommy Mottola.  Mariah and Eminem are still bitter about being “ex’s”.  He has name-checked her in songs and she had a big hit in 2009 with an entire song about him called “Obsessed”.

Since she wanted you to see them so badly, please enjoy other photos of Mariah and her breasts.

Longtime Playboy, baseball star Derek Jeter, has reportedly gotten engaged to actress Minka Kelly, according to the New York Post.  The Post has learned that the couple may have set a wedding date, although they’re still very “hush hush” about their plans.  A Post reporter conducted an undercover interview with the staff at  Oheka Castle on Long Island and discovered that a “Jeter” wedding is scheduled for early November 2010.  However the sales manager of Oheka Castle denies that it’s THAT Jeter.  Riiight. Derek has played baseball with the New York Yankees since 1995 and has proven himself to be an All-Star.  He is considered by many fans (continue reading…)